Worrying about the things that we can’t control is a vicious cycle. We worry, try to regain control, fail, and the cycle repeats. As we repeat this draining cycle, the things that truly matter in life are passing us by.
Welcome to Snapreads! Today, we’ll discuss how to stop worrying about what you can’t control and focus on what really matters.
Worrying comes from the innate desire to be in control. Humans often want to control their environment.
But when you worry about things you can’t possibly have control over, like the weather or the economy– or someone else’s behavior, then you’re letting your mental strength drain rather than conserving that time needed to be at your best. The more you try to take control of everything, the more anxious you’ll feel.
It’s hard not to care. But it’s even more challenging to deal with the amount of energy worrying drains from you. When you start to reduce that unnecessary stress, you start leading a happier life. And what do you know? At this very moment, you have all the right tools to start right now.
Essentialism
by Greg Mckeown
⏱ 14 minutes reading time
🎧 Audio version available
Recognize the Things You Can’t Control
The first step in how to stop worrying is to recognize what you can and cannot control. Once you have the concept down, that’s when you can start taking the necessary steps to stop caring about them.
It’s important to understand that there will be some situations in life that you won’t be able to change, and that doesn’t mean that you should give up. And it doesn’t mean that you should think any less of yourself or think that your life is ruined.
Drifting through life believing that you control nothing is just as damaging as believing that you can control everything. There’s a certain balance you need to find.
There are some things that you can control, but there are others that you can’t. So you can’t control what other people think. You can try to convince them of your argument, but there is no changing some people’s minds because you want to.
You Can’t Control the Past
The next step is to understand that you can’t control the past. If you have any regrets or if you’ve made mistakes, just like every other human being, the only thing you can do is not to let it affect your present and your future.
Preventing past negativity from entering your present and future is something you have some measure of control over.
There is this phenomenon of being obsessed with “what-if scenarios.” What-if scenarios occupy our time and damage our mentality. You can know ahead of time what’s going to happen, let alone control it.
So stop focusing on uncontrollable variables, such as other people, and start putting energy into more controllable variables such as yourself and your actions and decisions.
Accept the Truth
From a young age, people are given the illusion of control, the belief that we can shape the world around us and customize it to our desires. We are told that we have the power to change reality– only if we work smart and hard enough.
This is followed by a lifetime of insecurities, stress, and anxiety. You can’t possibly go through life thinking that if you manipulate your surroundings and environment in the right way that you’ll be able to protect yourself from pain.
And you can’t go on with believing that you’ll only be happy if you own the right things, organize your time well enough, find that perfect job, and keep up with all the overwhelming rules that you have set for yourself. These expected expectations are a recipe for losing sight of the things that truly matter and facing a lifetime of unhappiness.
Unfortunately, this is a myth. The world works in mysterious, wonderful, and sometimes destructive ways. And there is no point in fighting time, chance, face, and individuality.
It can be a freeing thing to realize that we don’t have control over life as much as we think we do.
Control Your Reactions
As we said, what you can control is you and how you react to things.
That’s not to say you can control your initial or instinctive reactions, emotions, thoughts, or how others see you. But you can control your response later and how you accept and move forward with things.
Let’s say that you lost out on a job. There’s a choice here: do you wallow up with hurt, bitterness, anger, resentment, and revalue everything you thought was valuable about yourself? Or do you take all that pain and turn it into something powerful?
You’re the one in control, not of your destiny, but of the path you want to take. Continually stressing about the uncontrollable variables will only take away from your current peace.
How to Deal With Your Emotions When Your Feel Things Are Out of Your Control
Whenever you’re facing a problem, ask yourself this, “Is this problem something I can solve?” And then the follow-up question, “Or do I need to shift the way I feel about this problem?”
If you find that, yes, the problem is within your control, then go ahead and tackle that hurdle head first. But if it’s something out of your control, focus on shifting and changing your emotional state.
Changing your state of mind can be achieved by learning how to use healthy coping skills to practice meditation or introducing yourself to a hobby.
We want to accept things that are out of our control and learn how to deal with those issues. We can do nothing for external factors, but our attitude? That’s within our grasp to change.
Be Grateful
We can give you a Mark Twain quote that says, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe,” but there’s a particular quote that may resonate with you.
This quote comes from J.K. Rowling’s movie, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Newt Scamander says, “My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice.”
So instead of “suffering twice” and lamenting on what could have been if you just had the foresight, why not flip this entire way of thinking over on its head?
Taking a step from all the stressing and worrying, we can take a moment to practice gratitude. Being thankful can help you feel more in control of your life. Practicing gratitude every day or even every once in a while can help you feel like the things you can’t control aren’t that overwhelming.
Live in the Here and the Now
Now, we want to focus on the things that truly matter. And the only thing that exists is right now. Whenever we try to control things, we typically live in the past, try to fix mistakes, drown in regret, or live in the future, killing ourselves for something that we may not even enjoy in the long run.
One way to live in the now is to create opportunities to be attentive during the present moment. Meditation is always a great option, and it’s one of the healthiest and easiest ways to achieve this mindfulness. Even 5, 15 minutes per day can do wonders for your anxiety levels and desires for control.
Indeed, there is nothing wrong with reminiscing or planning for the future– in moderation, but spending too much time is harmful. When you start reliving your past, then that starts feeding your worries about the future, and you start getting lost in catastrophic scenarios and predictions.
Have a Mantra
There are two options here. If you’re facing a choice or a problem, then you can either take action– or calm down. The first affirmation you can develop when facing the first kind of obstacle is to tell yourself that you’re in control of your action.
And not only can you do well at this, but you make it happen. On the other hand, to calm down when something doesn’t go your way is telling yourself that you can handle any obstacle no matter what.
You can find little healthy affirmations and customize them to your comfort. Those are going to help you prevent wasting time on things that you can’t control, so you can do what it takes to make it happen, or you can deal with it when it’s out of your hands.
These phrases, or should we say “mantras,” will keep you going whenever you’re in a destructive, repetitive cycle, whenever your predictions are too wild, and whenever you’re feeling down on yourself with self-doubt.
Let Go of Control
And lastly, the ultimate way to stop worrying about the things that you can’t control and start focusing on the things that matter is to let go of control entirely.
Not everything has to be carefully outlined, planned out, and followed. When things don’t go to plan, we don’t have to freak out. At the end of the day, the world has an odd way of twisting things around that we’re often left with whiplash. Once you understand that you need to learn how to adapt, you’ll learn to be content.
What Is Snapreads?
With the Snapreads app, you get the key insights from the best nonfiction books in minutes, not hours or days. Our experts transform these books into quick, memorable, easy-to-understand insights you can read when you have the time or listen to them on the go.
