A Chinese proverb states, “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.”
When you focus on others, you never know that you may be making a dramatic difference with that gesture.
And when you forget yourself and focus on the people you talk to, then they may offer you the solutions you were struggling with on your own.
But for today, we’re going to focus on promoting growth and stop being spiritually selfish.
When it comes to relationships, what kind of relationship do you think you would have with someone who talks all the time about their woes and never listens to you? It’s not a real relationship at all.
There has to be a sender and receiver in communication, a mutual exchange of words and ideas– unless you end up being the one talked at instead of being listened to.
When people feel uncertain, that tends to drive them into themselves. They feel isolated and helpless. Right there, the best strategy to go forward is to go in the opposite direction.
You expand your connection with others, and you focus on helping them turn their negatives into positives. Therefore the more you contribute to others, the less you need to worry about your situation.
Of course, we shouldn’t dedicate ourselves to others, and we must understand how we’re feeling through self-awareness, but what’s equally as important is that we have an awareness of how we make others feel.
Influence
by Robert Greene
⏱ 12 minutes reading time
🎧 Audio version available
Forget About Yourself, Focus on Others
It’s mutually beneficial for both you and the people you converse with to stay connected. What does this connection mean, and how can we develop it? It’s designed by only making time to talk with someone, which is one of the best ways to help others.
In this day and age, we’re lucky to have a world where staying connected with others is easier than ever. Most of us have access to phone calls, email, social media, text messages, video chats, and many ways to stay in touch and interact with others.
Staying connected at your fingertips allows you to help those around you more than you think. As you consistently help others, take time to focus on your problems for a moment, you will, in turn, be rewarded.
By not only having the satisfaction of helping them find more positivity and happiness in their life, but you’ll also notice a dramatic increase in the same aspects of your own life.
Make a List
The next step in focusing on the people you talk to is figuring out who those people are and the best way to stay connected. Start by making a list of your family members, friends, work colleagues, neighbors, and even your clients if you have them.
That list should be an ever-growing list that expands and changes. Once it’s complete– for now– think of how you can bring joy to each person.
Years from now, do you want people to say that you didn’t make time for them and didn’t even make one sacrifice for the sake of others? Is it more important to say stuck in a self-centered place instead of making sure that your time on earth mattered?
The amount we see in the many posts, vlogs, blogs, and infographics that all share how important it is to focus on yourself to feel better is insane. But when we become so involved and fixated, we forget to take into account the people around us– all the while, those people are the most important in our lives.
Start Listening
Paying attention to the people around you starts with a simple step, and it’s taking a step back– even if it’s a mental step away from your current troubles– and start to listen to what they’re saying.
Before anyone will ever truly get to know you, you need to get to know them properly. Instead of directing all the conversation about yourself, stand back and listen. Take the time to understand what is important and exciting to them.
Think of it this way: often, promotions at work go to those who network with people in order to get them to know, like, and trust you and your talent. The lesson here is that the more you make an effort and invest energy in getting to know the people around you and hear what they have to say, the more people will want to know you.
It Makes Other People Feel Valued
So not only will focusing on others result in health benefits– such as a decrease in blood pressure, you’ll enjoy closer friendships, have a sense of belonging, and more, but there’s a lot more to it.
Taking the time to listen to others is one of the qualities Virgin Group founder Richard Branson credits to his wild success. In his own words, “When spending time with the people who are most important to you, make them feel important and valued by listening.”
Being a good listener is one of the top and most important skills that great leaders have.
When someone is trying to have a conversation with you, don’t just sit there waiting to answer, only to respond how the topic relates to you. According to Branson, “have empathy and think about what they are going through and listen to what they have to say.”
In Order to Get Noticed, Notice Others
Every day, millions and millions of posts, videos, and articles are posted on social media platforms hoping that someone will read them. And these posts end up with what? A few clicks? How long do you think that engagement will last?
You can be the most creative and funniest post maker, the most brilliant writer, and the wittiest comedian, but if you show up for yourself only, no one will relate to you or even your message.
There’s a reason why many influencers and this “online celebrity” phenomenon is working so much. It’s because these people know the secret to success, and it’s to focus on others. They go to extreme lengths to get to know who’s watching them and commenting on their posts.
When people promote themselves by constantly saying how cool and how smart or how many years of experience they have or how their product is the best thing they have ever tried, they epically fail to communicate. What they need to do is to focus on other people’s equally self-centered traits. To get noticed, you need to acknowledge others first.
The Benefits
Did you know that there is actual scientific proof that when you do someone a service, your brain pathways react in a way that makes you feel good? It’s the same way people who volunteer say that it feels fulfilling even though they’re getting virtually nothing in return.
When we perform selfless acts such as giving away money to charity or helping someone in need, you get the same rush in your brain as when you eat a sugary, delicious dessert.
In the long run– or even in the short-term– these compassionate acts end up making us less focused on ourselves and more focused on trying to help others. You’ll feel the value of this, especially if you suffer from anxiety or are feeling stressed out.
So by dedicating your attention to someone else’s problems, you’re less occupied with your worries. I know you are thinking; that’s easier said than done. But there’s a psychology trick that results in you becoming more enthusiastic and energetic to help solve someone else’s problems.
So when the time comes for you to deal with your troubles, you’re ready to attack with renewed vigor and new perspective–and maybe the backup of a grateful friend.
Build Stronger Connections
Working together with someone provides a wide range of mental, health, and physical benefits for the both of you. It strengthens relationships.
You’re able to form deeper connections that provide crucial emotional support during hard times. And at the same time, this is incredibly important, so listen well– this combats your loneliness and social isolation, which can seriously harm your mental and emotional health.
Come to great peace and wellness by asking to help others and make them happier. If you want to make a big difference in both your life and theirs, then the conversation fundamentally isn’t about you; it’s about them.
And when you gain insight into what is going on in someone’s life, you should think about what you could do to make them feel better or smile.
It’s Contagious
When you forget yourself and focus on others and the people you talk to, this is not an act that goes unrewarded.
Because you do something compassionate, even as simple as listening to someone, that person is more likely to be inspired to do the same. And then we have a world full of selfless, wonderful people, and everyone benefits.
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