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Synopsis
From thought leader Brené Brown, a transformative new vision for the way we lead, love, work, parent, and educate that teaches us the power of vulnerability.
Who is this book for?
- Readers who are interested in persuasive and leadership oriented books.
- People who need to use persuasion to generate sales or inspire change.
- Anyone interested to learn how to use why to get desired results.
Meet the author
Dr. Brené Brown (born November 18, 1965) is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work.
Daring Greatly Summary
Stop thinking about all the things you want but don’t have. Instead think about the things you DO have and don’t appreciate.
We live in a modern culture of ‘never enough.’ The pervasive culture of ownership and narcissism has permeated through our communities, families, and nations.
The social and psychological consequences of such a culture cannot be understated. Many of us spend our time thinking about how we don’t have enough time, didn’t get enough sleep, don’t have enough money to live our lives.
However, the fact is, the average American wage places an individual in the top 99.7% of the world wealthiest. By comparison to our global citizens, the average American has access to wealth beyond imagination for many people.
When stripping down life to our bare essentials, it is clear that the culture of never enough is factually incorrect. For most of the Western world, it is still ‘never enough.’
We fail to internalize and appreciate what we have, and our culture of never enough has some dire consequences.
We, as a culture, have developed an aversion to scarcity, and have associated insufficiency with some destructive tendencies: shame, comparison, and disengagement. The compulsive desire to avoid deficiency, and acquire abundance leads us to naturally fear ridicule or belittlement from our peers, even out families.
We tie self-worth and values to the accumulation of material belongings and feel immense shame when comparing with our ‘wealthier’ colleagues. That ultimately leads to risk aversion, social withdrawal, and environmental disengagement.
When thinking about how to decipher this culture, and eliminate it from our thinking, the key is to begin living in scarcity, embracing it, and challenging our ideas of ‘never enough.’ A conscious commitment to deciding not to chase a life of abundance, and not finding motivation through base instincts of shame and disengagement is required.
We need to begin thinking about how to counteract this culture, to embrace what we have and say ‘enough is enough.’
Taking risks is not always a bad thing. Don’t be scared of trying something new just because it frightens you or people might judge you.
Vulnerability refers to the emotional feeling of being unprotected or exposed. It is one of our base primal survival instincts, and an aversion to vulnerability historically has allowed our ancestors to survive in the wild. However, in our modern world, that survival instinct has been hijacked by uncertainty. Uncertainty in our careers, our appearance or our psychology and allowing ourselves to take emotional risks are some of the most uncomfortable experiences in life.
However, these are also how we grow, mature and develop. Our culture of “Never Enough” has also created a culture of vulnerability aversion, and many myths associated with them.
Brown summarizes the myths as:
Vulnerability is weakness
Rather than striving to obtain the courage to go out and be vulnerable, to grow and to develop, we have let our fear of judgment and perception of criticism dictate our lives. We are allowing our base survival instincts dictate the lives of the modern human, and our humanity and creativity are suffering as a result.
I don’t do vulnerability
There is a perception that susceptibility we inherent and we associate with immaturity. The accurate measure of maturity and wisdom is to grow and accept vulnerable, to strive to let us push outside our comfort zones.
The emotion and feeling of vulnerability is the reminder we need that we are alive.
A vulnerability is letting it all hang out
The idea that embracing vulnerability requires us to shed all of our boundaries and comfort items, that it is extreme is a significant mental hurdle for many. Discarding these fallacies is crucial to maintained long-term success.
We can go it alone
The urge for acceptance and aversion to judgment leads many to stray away from their families and friends. Disregarding this, and deciding to evaluate your worth independently, rather than based on other people’s opinions is a profoundly transformative realization.
We all make mistakes. Don’t be ashamed of admitting your mistakes and taking the opportunity of correcting them, even if you think people will judge you.
Shame is the painful emotional feeling of humiliation, despair or distress which occur as a result of a behavior or situation. It is one of the most intense emotions we feel like humans and hence is a handy motivational tool. The act of avoiding shame at all costs leads us to behave in destructively irrational and illogical ways.
Fundamentally, shame is related to the extremely painful feelings of embarrassment. Shame leads us to negative perceptions of unworthiness and creates self-doubt and loathing.
However, it is essential to understand that the feelings of shame are universal, and we can overcome it.
The fact is, we all feel shame at stages throughout our lives. The feeling is entirely reasonable, and we should see shame and embarrassment as opportunities to learn and grow. While some people can shrug it off, learn from shame and proceed with life, others allow shame to become destructive and spiral out of control, and avoid it at all costs.
However, where shame finds its real power, is through being unspeakable. By avoiding talking about it, you allow the feelings of shame to take over your emotional wellbeing.
Talking about your feelings of shame and opening up to the friends and family you trust is the single biggest weapon against shame. Shining light on your emotions allows you to think through your feelings constructively, and decide how to best tackle it going forward, so it does not snowball.
Studies have shown that the feelings of shame stimulate the same regions of the brain associated with physical pain. It suggests that evolutionarily, we have adopted the same responses to social isolation and reject as physical pain.
Significantly, de-isolating yourself and opening up about your shame is the single most effective way to combat these feelings. Social rejection barriers are inherently disintegrated when discussing your emotions.
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“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
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