![\"\"](\"https:\/\/snapreads.com\/magazine\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Influence-The-Psychology-of-Persuation.jpg\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\nInfluence<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
by Robert Cialdini<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u23f1 16 minutes reading time<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\ud83c\udfa7 Audio version available<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
Buy on Amazon<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
\u201cReminds Me Of\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nNothing breathes life into a dying conversation more than playing the \u201creminds me of\u201d card. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is a virtual \u201cconversational leap.\u201d If the weather is the current topic on hand, then don\u2019t just comment on the weather today or how beautiful the clouds are; take a leap <\/em>and draw back on a story with a similar backdrop, such as a vacation you took to somewhere sunny and the adventures or troubles you had.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you don’t have any past experiences relevant to add, then point out something or someone and relate it to a popular topic. This will reignite the conversation faster than you think! The convo will then move in a compelling direction that keeps all parties captivated. And bonus! If you and the person you\u2019re speaking to don\u2019t have that much in common, this is a great way to connect with them as you trade stories.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Keep Your Filter to a Minimum<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nWhat does keeping your \u201cfilter to a minimum\u201d mean? It\u2019s simple. A lot of times, people run out of things to say because they think that whatever comes to their mind at that moment is boring, useless, or irrelevant to the conversation on hand, so they choose awkward silence over that potential scenario.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This phenomenon of shutting yourself down is associated with low self-esteem and insecurity. Your brain tells you that what you really want to say isn\u2019t valuable when that simply is not the truth. Even if the topic is amiss, the conversation will still be salvageable. Laugh about it if you can.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The best advice regarding this? Say your piece! And if the other person turns out to not care or find what you\u2019re talking about relevant, then the conversation can shift to another topic. It\u2019s going to take a little trial and error before you find a balance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t place this insane amount of pressure on yourself to say something witty, mind-blowing, or memorable. When you try too hard, the opposite effect of what you\u2019re after happens. You may end up looking awkward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Throw out whatever expectations you have or pressure you feel and enjoy the conversation. Isn\u2019t the point of conversing to show people your brilliant personality?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And hey, we\u2019ll let you in on a little secret\u2014a couple of secrets, actually. The first is that no matter what, some people aren\u2019t meant to get along with others, so there\u2019s no point in being hard on ourselves. The second secret is most people you chat with are more concerned with their <\/em>end of the conversation, so they\u2019re not paying that much attention to your stumble or awkward wording. Even if you say something awkward, they will forget about it within a few hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ask Open-Ended Questions<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nHave you already exhausted all traditional questions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you have pets? Do you like your job? Where did you go to university? What was your major?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The problem with questions like these is that they often lead to short answers without much room to elaborate. If you\u2019re looking to indulge in some lengthy conversation, an open-ended question will have the two of you bonding over shared experiences and laughter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A normal conversation shouldn\u2019t sound like an interview, where one person asks questions and the other answers. The trick is to not ask one question after the other. Instead of asking whether or not they like their job or major, try saying, \u201cWhat do you like or dislike the most about it?\u201d Whatever their answer is, it\u2019s going to be accompanied by an explanation, maybe a few jokes, and definitely another conversation beautifully following.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Constantly Do New Things<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nDo you feel like the reason why conversations always seem dry is that you can\u2019t think of any fun anecdotes to add? With this tip, you can guarantee to have a few stories in your arsenal whenever the other person looks at their watch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Take the initiative and start doing new things. Break that routine of going to work, coming home, eating, and repeating the next morning. Go on hikes, join clubs, go on road trips\u2014do something that adds diversity to your conversations. It doesn\u2019t even have to be something completely outlandish. You can just order a different dish at a restaurant that you never tried before; maybe watch a new genre of movies or listen to new music. What matters is that you gather some valuable life experience under your belt, so whenever the need arises, you\u2019ll have a plethora of subjects on hand to spin an interesting tale with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recycle Earlier Topics<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nThis is a last resort for dry conversations, but it\u2019s bound to work. No new idea as to what to add to the conversation? How about recycling an earlier topic? Everyone has something great to add to a topic, but the subject changed before they could have the bravery to speak up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well, this is your chance! You avoid awkward silence and <\/em>pivot back to something you wanted to talk about. Then, implement that open-ended question advice we just mentioned and follow that up with questions to keep things going. From there, the pressure of holding up the conversation yourself is passed to the other person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ask relevant questions, share relevant stories, and enjoy the conversation!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Prepare Ahead<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nWhat do most people do when they feel like they\u2019re unskilled in something in particular? They practice that skill, and most importantly, they prepare ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, prepare what you want to say ahead of time. Don\u2019t memorize it\u2014it\u2019s okay to go off-topic, but having a few stories in your head may just save a dying conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This also works if you normally find yourself talking about the same topics over and over again. Before this interaction is due to happen, brainstorm some topics and stories beforehand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next time someone asks you what you did for summer last year, what you do for work, what you like to do for fun, and about your family, you will already know what you\u2019re going to say. It may sound like a lot of hard work for one conversation, but this pre-prepared subject will stick with you. You may even find yourself improving the way you tell the story or remembering interesting details.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even if you have to write it down, that\u2019s okay! Take your time. It\u2019s okay to mess up, and it\u2019s certainly okay to not recite everything word for word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Know When to End the Conversation<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nThis is the last tip concerning this subject. After having a fantastic, lousy, or whatever kind of discussion, it\u2019s just as important to know when to end the conversation\u2014just as important as it is to know how to never run out of things to say. Most people\u2014and this is something that\u2019s proven by science and numerous studies\u2014don\u2019t know when to stop or if they should keep talking during a one-on-one conversation. But this is an essential skill. If the conversation has ended on a happy note, there\u2019s an appointment you need to get to, or you really want to get out of the situation, then gracefully bow out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
What does keeping your \u201cfilter to a minimum\u201d mean? It\u2019s simple. A lot of times, people run out of things to say because they think that whatever comes to their mind at that moment is boring, useless, or irrelevant to the conversation on hand, so they choose awkward silence over that potential scenario.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This phenomenon of shutting yourself down is associated with low self-esteem and insecurity. Your brain tells you that what you really want to say isn\u2019t valuable when that simply is not the truth. Even if the topic is amiss, the conversation will still be salvageable. Laugh about it if you can.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The best advice regarding this? Say your piece! And if the other person turns out to not care or find what you\u2019re talking about relevant, then the conversation can shift to another topic. It\u2019s going to take a little trial and error before you find a balance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t place this insane amount of pressure on yourself to say something witty, mind-blowing, or memorable. When you try too hard, the opposite effect of what you\u2019re after happens. You may end up looking awkward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Throw out whatever expectations you have or pressure you feel and enjoy the conversation. Isn\u2019t the point of conversing to show people your brilliant personality?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And hey, we\u2019ll let you in on a little secret\u2014a couple of secrets, actually. The first is that no matter what, some people aren\u2019t meant to get along with others, so there\u2019s no point in being hard on ourselves. The second secret is most people you chat with are more concerned with their <\/em>end of the conversation, so they\u2019re not paying that much attention to your stumble or awkward wording. Even if you say something awkward, they will forget about it within a few hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ask Open-Ended Questions<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nHave you already exhausted all traditional questions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Do you have pets? Do you like your job? Where did you go to university? What was your major?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The problem with questions like these is that they often lead to short answers without much room to elaborate. If you\u2019re looking to indulge in some lengthy conversation, an open-ended question will have the two of you bonding over shared experiences and laughter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A normal conversation shouldn\u2019t sound like an interview, where one person asks questions and the other answers. The trick is to not ask one question after the other. Instead of asking whether or not they like their job or major, try saying, \u201cWhat do you like or dislike the most about it?\u201d Whatever their answer is, it\u2019s going to be accompanied by an explanation, maybe a few jokes, and definitely another conversation beautifully following.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Constantly Do New Things<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nDo you feel like the reason why conversations always seem dry is that you can\u2019t think of any fun anecdotes to add? With this tip, you can guarantee to have a few stories in your arsenal whenever the other person looks at their watch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Take the initiative and start doing new things. Break that routine of going to work, coming home, eating, and repeating the next morning. Go on hikes, join clubs, go on road trips\u2014do something that adds diversity to your conversations. It doesn\u2019t even have to be something completely outlandish. You can just order a different dish at a restaurant that you never tried before; maybe watch a new genre of movies or listen to new music. What matters is that you gather some valuable life experience under your belt, so whenever the need arises, you\u2019ll have a plethora of subjects on hand to spin an interesting tale with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recycle Earlier Topics<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nThis is a last resort for dry conversations, but it\u2019s bound to work. No new idea as to what to add to the conversation? How about recycling an earlier topic? Everyone has something great to add to a topic, but the subject changed before they could have the bravery to speak up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well, this is your chance! You avoid awkward silence and <\/em>pivot back to something you wanted to talk about. Then, implement that open-ended question advice we just mentioned and follow that up with questions to keep things going. From there, the pressure of holding up the conversation yourself is passed to the other person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ask relevant questions, share relevant stories, and enjoy the conversation!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Prepare Ahead<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nWhat do most people do when they feel like they\u2019re unskilled in something in particular? They practice that skill, and most importantly, they prepare ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, prepare what you want to say ahead of time. Don\u2019t memorize it\u2014it\u2019s okay to go off-topic, but having a few stories in your head may just save a dying conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This also works if you normally find yourself talking about the same topics over and over again. Before this interaction is due to happen, brainstorm some topics and stories beforehand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next time someone asks you what you did for summer last year, what you do for work, what you like to do for fun, and about your family, you will already know what you\u2019re going to say. It may sound like a lot of hard work for one conversation, but this pre-prepared subject will stick with you. You may even find yourself improving the way you tell the story or remembering interesting details.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even if you have to write it down, that\u2019s okay! Take your time. It\u2019s okay to mess up, and it\u2019s certainly okay to not recite everything word for word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Know When to End the Conversation<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nThis is the last tip concerning this subject. After having a fantastic, lousy, or whatever kind of discussion, it\u2019s just as important to know when to end the conversation\u2014just as important as it is to know how to never run out of things to say. Most people\u2014and this is something that\u2019s proven by science and numerous studies\u2014don\u2019t know when to stop or if they should keep talking during a one-on-one conversation. But this is an essential skill. If the conversation has ended on a happy note, there\u2019s an appointment you need to get to, or you really want to get out of the situation, then gracefully bow out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
Do you feel like the reason why conversations always seem dry is that you can\u2019t think of any fun anecdotes to add? With this tip, you can guarantee to have a few stories in your arsenal whenever the other person looks at their watch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Take the initiative and start doing new things. Break that routine of going to work, coming home, eating, and repeating the next morning. Go on hikes, join clubs, go on road trips\u2014do something that adds diversity to your conversations. It doesn\u2019t even have to be something completely outlandish. You can just order a different dish at a restaurant that you never tried before; maybe watch a new genre of movies or listen to new music. What matters is that you gather some valuable life experience under your belt, so whenever the need arises, you\u2019ll have a plethora of subjects on hand to spin an interesting tale with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recycle Earlier Topics<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nThis is a last resort for dry conversations, but it\u2019s bound to work. No new idea as to what to add to the conversation? How about recycling an earlier topic? Everyone has something great to add to a topic, but the subject changed before they could have the bravery to speak up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well, this is your chance! You avoid awkward silence and <\/em>pivot back to something you wanted to talk about. Then, implement that open-ended question advice we just mentioned and follow that up with questions to keep things going. From there, the pressure of holding up the conversation yourself is passed to the other person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ask relevant questions, share relevant stories, and enjoy the conversation!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Prepare Ahead<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nWhat do most people do when they feel like they\u2019re unskilled in something in particular? They practice that skill, and most importantly, they prepare ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, prepare what you want to say ahead of time. Don\u2019t memorize it\u2014it\u2019s okay to go off-topic, but having a few stories in your head may just save a dying conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This also works if you normally find yourself talking about the same topics over and over again. Before this interaction is due to happen, brainstorm some topics and stories beforehand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next time someone asks you what you did for summer last year, what you do for work, what you like to do for fun, and about your family, you will already know what you\u2019re going to say. It may sound like a lot of hard work for one conversation, but this pre-prepared subject will stick with you. You may even find yourself improving the way you tell the story or remembering interesting details.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even if you have to write it down, that\u2019s okay! Take your time. It\u2019s okay to mess up, and it\u2019s certainly okay to not recite everything word for word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Know When to End the Conversation<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\nThis is the last tip concerning this subject. After having a fantastic, lousy, or whatever kind of discussion, it\u2019s just as important to know when to end the conversation\u2014just as important as it is to know how to never run out of things to say. Most people\u2014and this is something that\u2019s proven by science and numerous studies\u2014don\u2019t know when to stop or if they should keep talking during a one-on-one conversation. But this is an essential skill. If the conversation has ended on a happy note, there\u2019s an appointment you need to get to, or you really want to get out of the situation, then gracefully bow out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
What do most people do when they feel like they\u2019re unskilled in something in particular? They practice that skill, and most importantly, they prepare ahead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, prepare what you want to say ahead of time. Don\u2019t memorize it\u2014it\u2019s okay to go off-topic, but having a few stories in your head may just save a dying conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This also works if you normally find yourself talking about the same topics over and over again. Before this interaction is due to happen, brainstorm some topics and stories beforehand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next time someone asks you what you did for summer last year, what you do for work, what you like to do for fun, and about your family, you will already know what you\u2019re going to say. It may sound like a lot of hard work for one conversation, but this pre-prepared subject will stick with you. You may even find yourself improving the way you tell the story or remembering interesting details.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even if you have to write it down, that\u2019s okay! Take your time. It\u2019s okay to mess up, and it\u2019s certainly okay to not recite everything word for word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/snapreads.com\/magazine\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/2-1.png\")
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